Attraction vs. Seduction
Attraction vs. Seduction
This post was inspired from a recent discussion I had with a long-standing member of this forum. (You can read the discussion here.)
Basically, what I'm trying to do here is distinguish between attraction and seduction, because I think it is very easy to think that because you have attracted someone to you, you have seduced him or her. Some people even believe that someone who is more attractive (good-looking, popular, wealthier) than another person will always win out, and so you should focus your attention on being attractive.
These two myths - attraction = seduction, and attractiveness always wins out - are what I wish to dispel in this post.
To do this, it's important to understand the difference between attraction and seduction. Attraction is an unconscious form of curiosity. When you are attracted to someone, you become curious about them, usually in a physical way. You become tempted to entertain having an intimate relationship with that person.
Seduction, on the other hand, is a whole process that typically moves from interest in someone to attraction to surrender. Seduction isn't simply about drawing (attracting) people towards you; it's about getting people to yield to you. This is essentially what people want - to yield. As Greene writes in AoS: "What people want is not temptation; temptation happens every day. What people want is to give into temptation, to yield."
Just because you have tempted someone doesn't mean he or she will yield to you. On the other hand, you cannot seduce someone until you have created attraction. So yes, attraction is an important part of the seductive process. But it is just a part. It's important to consider the whole. If you think you've won because someone thinks you are attractive, then you'll often take your victory for granted. There is nothing more anti-seductive than feeling like someone assumes they've "got" you.
This idea applies to people who are attractive. Attractiveness gives you a certain advantage. It helps you stand out, getting your target to notice you. But it doesn't complete the seduction. A person doesn't simply want to notice; he or she wants to yield. You must allow your target to yield to you, give them a pleasure that they can't say no to.
People don't simply want to say "yes." They want to be unable to say no.And that requires individualizing your attention, not only attracting them but challenging and unsettling them, opening up some wounds, engaging their emotions. That requires so much more than attraction.
Last Edited By: charmer May 31 17 4:42 AM. Edited 1 time.